Back racing

I was very excited to race and to begin running fast again since this spring's track season. This spring told me alot about my self... starting with getting closer to my old form since being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in Dec 2011. Even though I did not reach my ultimate goal which was to qualify for the Olympic Trials in the 10,000 meter track race. I did however ran 29:55 which is still something that I can be proud of and keep moving forward.

At the cherry festival 5k, i prepared that morning by drinking plenty of water to be well hydrated for the race. I knew it was going to be a hot race and hot is hard on me because it raises my Blood glucose quite bit without much effort. I have found a way to help by using something my coach has developed for his athletes called a Core Cooler. Basically, it's a frozen water bottle with a coolant in it. When I run in hot weather it keeps my core temperature much cooler and my body does not fight the hot weather quite as much. Great invention, but even better now that I have diabetes.

I started my warm-up and my blood sugar was 119, which was a little high, but perfect as it allowed me to burn off the rest of the extra blood glucose before the start of the race. I felt very good on the warmup and felt great with my core coolers. The start of the race is always fun because you begin to look at everyone and see who is going to be your competition. Around a 1/2 mile in there was a guy wearing red adidas Adios's which are like 110 dollar race shoes. That usually means they are at least pretty good and we got to our first hill. He charged up it like a man that knew what he was doing, which he didnt. The down hill to follow, I opened up just to stretch my legs and to see what he had in him. I was immediately alone and hit the first mile in 4:55. I knew I still needed a good workout in so I pressed on and second mile was 4:55. By then the there was pretty much no one in sight behind me and I raced in with the win and a time of 15:20. I was extremely excited but still had to finish my workout, so I turned around and ran 3 more miles back to my car. When I checked my blood glucose I knew it would be very high and it was at 231. I then grabbed my core coolers and cooled down. The 4 mile run brought me down to 169 and then I took 3 units of humalog.

Great run and I was very happy with how I controlled my blood sugar. I don't have my racing routine completely figured out yet. I will need to figure it out fully if I want to race New York marathon his fall. I have a couple of ideas but once I get my cgm I will know a lot more about how it will work.

Tommy

Long Overdue Summer Race Results!

The summer races have thus far seen some awesome action from BRC/adidas!

Back tracking to Memorial Day's Bolder Boulder, the Boulder Track Club notched joint victories on both their men's and women's sides, in spite of some awesome racing by the guys' team composed of Greg Reindl, Ryan Hafer, Robby Young and Bobby Reyes, in addition to the women's squad of Brianne Nelson, newcomer Brooke Kish, and Lara Johnson. Competing in the Elite/International Race but unfortunately not counting toward the scoring was Wendy Thomas who represented Team Colorado.

At June 10th's Portland Track Festival, Wendy Thomas continued her quest for an Olympic Trials A Standard in the 10k and finished in 32:48 while Loren Ahonen clocked an 8:53 in the steeplechase.

June 11th's Garden of the God's 10 Miler saw a victory by team newcomer and Western State grad Lauren Kleppin, who rocked the hilly course in 63 minutes.On the men's side, Ryan Hafer continued his success to take 3rd in 54:25. Hafer was followed by Mario Macias in 4th, Matt Levassiur in 6th, and Sean Brown in 7th.

At June 16th's USA Half Marathon Championships in Duluth MN, Wendy Thomas continued her long race streak as she took 7th in 1:12.56 with Brianne Nelson following in 12th 1:14.49.

Locally but also on the 16th, Colorado Springs' Sailin' Shoes 5k saw Greg Reindl come away with the win in 15:33, followed by Adam Rich in 15:42. Jay Luna took 4th, Art Seimers placed 7th, Jesse Chettle placed 11th, and Cody Hill took 12th. Ashley Birger took 3rd in the women's field in 18:20.

June 24th's Hellacious Trail Challenge was crushed by Ryan Hafer in a course record 58:01. Jason Delaney followed in 3rd, Robby Young took 5th, Jay Luna placed 10th, and Ashley Birger took 2nd in the women's field.

Olympic Trials weekend was next up, and Hayward Field saw more than its share of Ali Williams as she logged 20,000 meters on the fabled track in contesting the 10,000, 5k Prelims, followed by the 5k finals over the course of the week. She was accompanied by Wendy Thomas in the 10k as Williams took 5th while Thomas took 20th. Williams followed this up with a 9th place finish in the 5k. Way to ROCK you two.

At the Stadium Stampede 5k, Adam Rich took 5th in 15:55 while Greg Reindl placed 6th in 16:09.

The 4th of July means fireworks....annd great races. Ashley Birger showed some serious speed at the Superior Downhill Mile as she took 2nd place in 4:36. On the men's side, Matt Levassiur took 10th while Bobby Reyes took 12th.

In Georgia, Lauren Kleppin took 17th at the Peachtree 10k in 35:04 the same weekend.

The Ryan Hafer Show continued at July 7th's Vail Hill Climb, where the banana-loving-mountain-goat was the victor in 49:20, followed by Jason Delaney in second. As though this was not a sufficient amount of trail running, Hafer returned the following day to destroy the course record at the Colorado Springs Summer Roundup 12k in 41:46. Rock on Bananahands Hafer.

Next weekend's Colorado Springs' Classic 10k will see a lot of red, orange and purple in the field as BRC Adidas takes on the Boulder Track Club in the 3rd of 5 races in the series. GO BRC/ADIDAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome to Eugene...

"Heeeellloooo brightly colored human." Can't thing of a better way to be greeted when walking into Starbucks to get my usual pre race tea. "Hello." I responded, slightly amused. "Can I have a grande green tea please?" "Are you going to go practice?" The Barista asked, noting my bright orange Adidas waterproof jacket and bright purple pants. "Actually, I am going to go race." "Oh, are you nervous?" "A little bit." "You will do very well." I actually found this very comforting, something about having people believe in you, even if you just met them is reassuring. "Actually, I don't know that. I've never seen you run." He clarified. "Oh well, hopefully you just have a feeling." I responded. "Yeah, that's right, a feeling." He said as he handed me a coffee.

The last couple weeks

The last few weeks have been a bit of a roller coaster. After dropping out of Peyton Jordan my head was just not working in my favor.

First up was Bolder Boulder. I've already explained how it was a dream come true just to be in the race, but sadly the race was anything but a dream. It did little to help my confidence as I ran TERRIBLE! The whole race I just kept telling myself how much I wanted this and getting to run the whole race with Magda kept me plugging along. It was pretty cool just to hang out with Magda, Deena, Janet, Adriana and Sara. They are all ladies I really admire. Deena even has an awesome Mastiff just like we do! After the race I had my awesome support system of family and friends to help remind me this one race wasn't the end of the world. They even gave me a hard time for not being able to push harder and finish in front of Magda which would have made me a LOT of money.

 First thing my kids said after the race was "Mom your hair is CRAZY! and can we take a picture with your friends now who were in the Olympics"

 Not going to lie I have never been so happy to finish a race. Getting into the stadium is something I will forever cherish

Oh yeah that space there cost me a hell of a lot of money!

After Boulder I was pretty mentally down on myself. I think there are some time for all runners when they just feel like the work just doesn't seem to be paying off the way you hope. Luckily for me I have the worlds greatest coach and support system that keep me plugging away. So just 5 days after Boulder I talked Scott into letting me do my 3 mile uptempo at one of my favorite local races, Sierra's race in Loveland. For me it is so important to remember everyone who has supported me from the start and the family and friends of Sierra are very encouraging. This was my third time racing there and I will continue to do it as long as possible. Typically I run my 3 mile uptempo at 5:30's as it's a workout that is put in between races to keep the legs moving but not pushing to hard. Having run Sierra's before I knew mile 1 would be fast as it is downhill and than the last mile and a quarter or so are uphill. Since it was only a workout I wore my garmin so I could focus on paces. Doing this showed me why I NEVER race with a garmin. I was looking at it way too much slowing down speeding up, it would make me crazy. I ended up winning the race, setting a new course record and having a great time. Even the boys raced. It was just an all around great morning.  This was the best choice I could make. It taught me that I need to stop getting so worked up before races. It taught me I need to stop worying about anything outside of myself and what my legs need to do. The result will usually be a great race.

 Beautiful morning for a race!

 That's Chase in the black doing a great job of kicking to the finish

And Tripp on the left with a giant smile coming in strong!

I wanted to take the lessons I learned from Sierra's race and carry it over to Portland which happened to be just 6 days later. In the last month I have learned a lot of lessons mentally. Going in to Portland I was scared. I'm not going to lie, after Peyton Jordan I wasn't ready to get back on the track so I did my workouts at a local park that has a dirt trail. We have everything marked out there from 400 up to a 2 mile. It is for sure slower than the track as it has some hills in it, but mentally I could take hills more than the track. Not to mention ever since the 25k champs I have had a nagging groin thing going on. So as I was heading out to race my final shot at the Olympic trials I had little confidence in my ability. My mental state was not helped when I arrived at the airport to find out the hail storm the previous night meant that our plane got downgraded. After a long wait I ended up giving my seat up to a nice grand mother who needed to get to Portland for her Granddaughters gradutaion that night. I only neededto make sure I got there sometime before my race the following day so it seemed like the right thing to do. The result was a connecting flight and arriving 6 hours later. Normally this would send me in to a freaking panic but I was reminded by Scott "what would Pooh do?" So I just rolled with it.

Once I finally made it I found out I had great roommates, Adrianna Nelson and Kelly Callway. These two ladies were a ton of fun. We just hung out the day of the race not really stressing. Portland did it's best to try and freak me out by pouring rain on and off all day.

Are you kidding me? I didn't even know it could rain like that! Luckily though Craig ordered perfect conditions for the race and by some small miracle the skies cleared as the meet started. My pre race ritual was a lot different this time. I didn't stress over eating exactly what I had at Stanford I just went with whatever was available. I even (and hold on to your chairs when you read this) did my hair and nails different! I threw the damn superstitous thoughts out of my head. I wasn't nervous or excited or dreading I was just ready to get on the track. During the warm up I felt pretty crappy even running to the bathroom to throw up. Pretty sure I just had too much coffee during the day. Like most races before I knew it the gun was going off.

The start of the race was a bit nerve racking. All of us were ready to run 32:45 so it was crowded. I found myself in lane 2 so I decided to sprint up to the front so I could at least be in the outside of lane 1. I sat just behind Kim (our amazing pacer!) and Dani from Iowa state. The next two miles flew by but again with the field being so close in ability I was getting clipped like crazy. I decided to slow up a bit to sit on the back of the pack so I could not be clipped and I could be on the inside of lane one. This seemed to be fine as miles 3 and 4 really flew by. I felt amazing! For the first time I was able to do what Scott wanted. I literally turned my engine off and was along for the ride. Sadly I was a little too zoned out. I looked up to notice that Kim was in lane 4 which could only mean one thing, we were coming on mile 4. Since I have done this before I knew this was when the pack was going to make a move. Sure enough as I glanced to the front I could see that the first 4 of about 8-9 of us were breaking away. This time I was determined to not settle. I slowly ran around the girls in front of me, but by the time I got to the front the pack of four had gotten away from us. This is when it was going to get tough. I spent the next 9 laps on my own just focusing on them. I needed to catch them and I just couldn't do it. Looking back maybe I should have made a bit of a surge to force myself, but after races there are always things you know you should have done. The next mile was ok I slowed up a bit but was still on pace, than I lost it mentally. For some reason I though I had 4 laps to go when I heard the announcer say 5. I know it is ony 400 more but it really took me out of my zone. When I finally came around with one lap to go the announcer said 31:32 she needs a 73 for the final lap. At this point I knew I couldn't do it, but I pushed as much as I could and finished with a 32:48.45.

                                                           After the race with Adrianna

Luckily this time when I crossed I pushed Eeyore out of my head! Sure I was bummed I JUST missed it and it was my last mile that cost me, but I had just run a PR! Given the month I have had and the thoughts I had pre race I was honestly excited. I mean I gave my dream one last shot. Now I really have mixed emotions. When the season started I was really against running on the track. Mostly I think it was just going to prove to myself I wasn't good enough and I didn't want to deal with the disappointment. Now I am very glad I did. I gave it a go, I put myself out there and this time it wasn't enough. Does it mean all of the work I have put in the last 6 months was for nothing? Heck no! This new speed is going to transfer over to a kick ass fall marathon. I'm excited for what the future races holds. I am coming up on my first year of training with Scott and the ADP and look how far I have come. I can't keep comparing myself to any other runners. I'm on my own path and it is unique from others. Sadly my whole motivation to push myself toward the trials was getting the awesome Elite Adidas kit. The super cute purple pants have been on my mind since January! I won't get them this year but just the motivation to get them got me to a new PR. Now what? Well I entered myself into the trials and I will just have to wait until everyone declares on June 18th to see. The chance of me making the trials aren't very good but I am going to keep my fingers crossed that maybe just maybe some other girls decided to not run.

 I do want to give it up to the crew at Portland Track Festival! This was my kind of enviroment. There was music playing as we ran which was awesome! The laid back atmosphere is much more my style! Most of all I want to give a big, huge, gigantic thank you to my awesome teammate Loren! BRC is the absolute best team to be on! Loren was out in Portland to run the steeple and helped me more than he can know. He was encouraging as he was cheering my name. I had absolutly no idea who was cheering me on as I ran around but he kept me from falling apart!

It feels a little weird to not have the Olympic Trials on my schedule. I'm actually not too sure what I will do next. It feels a tad empty. In the short term I am going to head out to MN this weekend and run the USA half champs. It will be a really great time. I truly enjoy the distance and I will get to see a lot of friends!

First blog of the year - Woooooooo!

With the spring semester ending last Wednesday I finally have some time to contribute to the team blog.  This past semester has been especially busy.  My class obligations included more reading than any of my previous semesters, and I made the mistake of enrolling in some fairly dry subjects.  In fact, I might forego my last year of law school because I think I’ve found the cure to insomnia.  If a 40 page reading assignment about federal court procedure doesn’t put you to sleep within 30 minutes, you may be beyond help.  Additionally, our daughter just turned 9 months last week, and it looks like she inherited an infinite amount of energy from somebody.  Combine that with her recent mastery of crawling and you can imagine what my wife and I do every night.  It’s been a lot of fun watching her grow, but I’m still anxiously awaiting for the day she realizes you’re not supposed to poop in your pants - I can’t help but feel a little insulted when she looks at me and smiles as I’m changing an extra stinky diaper.

Despite being busy with school and the baby, the running has actually been going well.  I’ve set pr’s in the 10k (28:23) and 10 Mile (47:34) in my last two races, and I’m confident that the best racing is yet to come.  I’ve been having respiratory problems due to allergies for the majority of the spring, so I’m hoping those will subside as the summer begins.  My current focus is on the Half Marathon Championships on June 16.  I could potentially run the Trials for the 10k, but I’m not sure if my time is fast enough to get me into the meet.  Basically, it will come down to who decides to declare for the 10k and how many athletes the race directors select.  If I’m fortunate enough to qualify, my focus would probably shift to the Trials rather than the half marathon.

Other than that, there’s not much going on in my life.  Hopefully, I’ll have more exciting results to report in the coming months.  Fingers crossed. 

Mt. Sac and Penn

A little eye opening racing for real since I got sick. I was more workout ready and my body still had not recovered from being sick for so long. I could tell before Penn my blood glucose was all over the place. I couldn't hardly control by the time Penn rolled around.

Mt. Sac should have been a faster but I could tell it wasn't my day. I was working out great but just didn't have it in me. 1st 5k was 14.35, I'll take it but it was right about then the wheels came off. The main thing was I wasn't comfortable at any pace. Good days... everything's just a little easier. Total 10k time 29:55

Penn it was just bad, felt bad after 1 mile a stayed bad. Dropped out just after 5k. Blood Glucose was so so high at times and not balancing like normal. Very hard on me and my body.

I'm thinking next race might be one final 10k on the track at Portland distance festival.

It's a PR-palooza!

Lots of great racing action over the last couple of weeks. Rewinding to last week, At the Fort Collins Horsetooth Half Marathon Jason Delaney and Brianne Nelson made it a BRC/Adidas sweep as they both walked away with a big "W"!

At Pueblo's Spank Blasing 10k, Sarah Young claimed the overall women's win.

Also part of last weekend's action and on the west coast, Matt Levassiur had a mis-hap in the Carmel Distance Festival Half Marathon, despite being on course record pace en route to victory, he was led off course, but still managed second place in 1:07.

At the Walnut, CA Mt.Sac Relays, Tommy Neal got on the track for his first outdoor 10k of the season to clock 29:55. Loren Ahonen took to the steeplechase, finishing in 8:59. Team newby Brandon Johnson ran 14:07 in the 5k.

Catching up to this week, lots of track action! The Penn Relays saw 10k PR's and season openers for Robby Young, Sean Brown and Ryan Hafer as they finished 30:04, 30:05, and 30:20 respectively. Adrian Chouinard took nearly 2 minutes off of her previous 10k best with 35:23 and Shannon Payne PR'ed in the 5k with 16:51.

Payton Jordan saw a fantastic run by Ali Williams as she continued on her PR-breaking streak, running 32:03 to earn another "A" standard. Ian Burrell also hit the Trials standard in the 10k as he hit 28:23. Kristen Hemphill clocked an impressive 10:11 in the steeple. Locally, Mario Macias took victory at the Boulder Distance Carnival 15k while Adam Rich took 2nd in the 5k. At Sunday's Cherry Creek Sneak, Brandon Johnson had his debut win in a BRC singlet as he claimed victory in the 5 miler. Great work everyone!

Tommy Neal takes a break from the racing action this week to sport a kilt.

Seven Seconds

At long last I have stumbled into the oasis in the Desert of PR-less-ness! In spite of a long hiatus from track races, my first 5k back on the track yielded a much coveted PR by 7 seconds. "Psh, 7 seconds, that's it?!" you might say. In 7 seconds you could trim a fingernail, peel a Clementine, tie a shoe, or put toothpaste on a toothbrush, what's so great about 7 seconds? Especially when you factor in the fact that that particular 7 seconds took me 6 (yes, SIX) years to knock off. That averages out to be a hair more than 1 second a year. But the point is, seven seconds in six years doesn't seem like much, but I'm stoked! I will take progress in ANY and all of its glorious forms.

Immediately after finishing however, I was split 50/50 upon Scott telling me, "16:51." 50% stoked that it was my best 5k on paper to date; that one year ago today I honestly thought maybe this was as good as it would ever get, that the tank was near empty, enthusiasm was fizzled, and that at this point I was grasping at straws and investing time into something I wasn't even doing well anymore--the kind of stuff I wouldn't let myself say out loud. To prove myself wrong, even a little, was extremely satisfying to say the least. But then I was 50% surprised, not necessarily disappointed, but surprised in a way that it was not more, not a bigger PR. Yeah, that sounds greedy I know, but in the back of my mind, the more self-defeating part that thinks like a troll on Letsrun.com thought, "You've put in thousands of miles since you ran 16:58, that should put you way ahead of where you are now! Heck, let's be real, an entire minute more off of that still lands you as a Nobody in this sport." But you know what? SHUT the f*** UP Troll. 7 seconds may be pretty insignificant to most people, so is 30 seconds, or 2 minutes. But as Scott will say, effort matters more than outcome. A LOT of sweat and tears and questioning go into that miniscule bit of time. And maybe more than a little too much thought; run more miles, do more long runs, take more ice baths, do more core, do more drills, do more strides, get more sleep, eat more veggies, run less miles but run them harder, or that oh-so Great Unmentionable lose a few pounds.

Regardless of the idea that it's a fraction of time, it's an indicator of progress, a huge payoff, a chance to breathe a sigh of relief that it hasn't all been in vain, and a reason to really believe that there can be more ahead. Hopefully this is just a beginning, but you have to live in the present and enjoy what you get--even the little things--when you get it, because who knows when "next time" will be? And give yourself a pat on the back before you get back to work.

As I was watching the rest of our crew circle the track in the 10k in pursuit of their own PR's, I saw a handful of Hansons runners go by, for some reason an interview that I read a long time ago featuring the once-unknown Desiree Davila popped into my head, the one where her coach tells her, "People are going to think that you're wasting your time. You're going to have a lot of years putting in work that no one will ever see. No one will know your name. This is what it is." And she replied, "I know what it is, I still want to be part of it." PREACH IT.

"Never Give Up! Never Give In!"

Sure, it’s easy to say. Short. Simple. To the Point. But in practice it’s much, much harder to act out. For the best of us, it comes alittle more natural. For the rest of us, it’s a challenge. It’s something we have to continually remind ourselves so we stay awake (which hopes that eventually it will come natural).

In similar fashion, like the phrase “No Coasting!” - Now that’s one I’ve been hearing quite often lately, from a Welshman on a mountain bike. He follows me while I run, quietly analyzing my mannerisms, reading me like a book, and just as I think he’s disappeared off to encourage the other group, just when I feel alone on the path in the shadows where no one can see me let down my guard and coast for just a few minutes, I hear it: “Bobby, no coasting!” He says in a quiet, conversational tone, his accent creating a challenge to decipher what exactly he’s saying. I know what he’s saying. He knows that I know what he’s saying. So he says it. Thus waking me up from my moment of self-pity and urges me on forward to run every step until the workout is complete. Steve Jones will not let me coast.

Maybe I should back up a bit, and explain how I got to the point where Steve Jones (“Jonesy”) is tailing me on his bike down the Creek Path. Well, March found me jumping into a few uninspired races and running mediocre at best. I’ll say I was pleased with the efforts of each race, though we all know that’s code for “Screw that, I ran like crap”. The strength gained from the 120 mile-weeks over the winter remained dormant in me, nothing in particular destroyed me (I recovered extremely quick from race to race), though the mid-race Grind-It-Out attitude was missing.

Running is an objective sport. You’re either running good, or your not. There’s no talking your way to a PR or Win, you actually have to Do It. My results were telling me what I had been ignoring for a while: Maybe you should take a recovery week? Or a few? Rationally speaking, I couldn’t expect to continue hammering away and actually race well. I needed to allow my body to absorb all the mileage like a sponge so I could eventually squeeze out all the water when the time was right. Alright, lowering the mileage it is. This was Step One.

Step Two required Guidance. I’ve been running for nearly 20 years, and have accumulated a lot of information from many people. I’ve learned what works for me, and what doesn’t (and I’ll leave room when saying this to the unknown - there’s always more to learn). Being objective - as running is - I returned (here we go back to my first post on Meno’s Paradox) to what has worked well for me in the past: Jonesy.

There are no special workouts, and no glittery workout names. It’s Simple. You show up, work hard, and go home. His program (Fartleck, Tempo, Hills, Long Run, Repeat; variations of this) - and approach to training in general, allows you to simplify, and essentially to Focus: the few things I have made a staple in my own training this year. As an athlete, it’s difficult not to follow his examples (“Attitude Reflects Leadership”), in his Hard, Grind-It-Out racing style. Sure, I could continue to train on my own. But when the question came “Do I Want More”, the answer was the obvious “Yes”. By returning to the environment that produced many of my Personal Records, it was a no-brainer. He’s a man of a few words, but those words carry weight, and when former World-Record holder Steve Jones tells you not to coast, you do not coast, such is the Legend of Jonesy.

So here are, back on the Creek Path, grinding it out while passing sleepy coeds who are heading to class. I’ve got a Welshman on my tail who won’t let me coast. I’m pumping hard, leaning forward and hoping to flow down the path like the mountain water that is doing so effortlessly next me. Somewhere in the haze of pain and oxygen debt, somewhere between Jonesy’s words, I connect the dots and think back to a you-tube video of the man following me on his bike, an epic 10,000 meter battle that still gives me chills watching it. Just when he’s being caught in his final strides, just when it appears he may be falling asleep, he wakes UP as the music crescendos, and fights back for the win.

“Jonesy, No Coasting!”, yeah, I don’t think anyone really had to ever tell him that…

Tales From a Reformed Headcase

APRIL FOOLS. Just joking about the "reformed" part.

Actually, I thought I had been doing a fantastic job the last few months reigning in the demons. Good workout? Bad workout? Great race? Horrible race? No problem! It's all the same, the world's still spinning and you'll live to run another day! No one even died as a result of your result! Dude it's chiiilllll.... All you can ever do is try! "Don't worry, be happy. It will soon pass, whatever it is," sings Bob Marley while smoking a joint. Well please pass that joint to me because I don't share your sentiments right now BOB.

It began with a bad 400 meter workout. This was followed by the abrupt realization that in one week I'm running my first track 5k in I don't want to think about how long. A ridiculously negative self-talk monologue rambled through my mind on a run:

"What if you run your entire 5k the way you ran those quarters the other day, you're going to get OWNED. Pansy."

"Oh hey, remember the Hams and Hamstrings 5k on Easter? Yeah, you BARELY broke 19 minutes. Remember that? A couple weeks ago? Who knows if it was even a 5k. Who cares that you ran across a median. Irrelevant. BARELY under 19 minutes. Remember that? You ran better in high school. Pansy."

"Hey speaking of hamstrings, how's that hamstring feeling anyway? Like it's going to explode off your ischial tuberosity? Yeah, it probably will. Pansy."

"Hey, check out your mile splits today. Have you even broken 8 minutes once this whole run? No? Pansy."

Aaand the downward spiral begins. I take off my watch and throw it in the bushes. I don't care that I've had it for 5 years! I'm sending it back to Timex because it HAS to be defective! I am not running that slow!!! There is NO way!!! Tantrum ensues. Ever seen a 2 year old in the cereal aisle pitching a fit to mom because he wants Fruity Pebbles and mom doesn't believe in sugary cereal? Yeah. Times that by about 50. The voice of Positive Polly is drowned out by Negative Nancy (that b***h...). Try as she might, petite Polly is overpowered by Nancy--who has the build of a roller-derby champ. But suddenly, like the eye in the hurricane, the overwhelming feeling of all-consuming guilt trumps all nervousness. The browbeating begins: You ungrateful booger! You cotton-headed-ninny-muggins! You jackwagon! You are SO lucky to do this! How dare you have an off-day! How dare you even be so consumed with something so self-serving and inconsequential! There are 7 billion people in this world who are in no way effected by how you run! This is an entirely selfish pursuit! You're a terrible human! What are you EVEN DOING?!!!

Oh crap. Here they come. There's no stopping them. Tears. I'm a pretty emotionally constipated person for lack of better phrasing (which probably accounts for a great deal of the reason why I have about 2 friends who are girls), but when I get all feelingsy and there are tears, there are OCEANS of them. It's actually sort of pathetic. Before I know it, it's not even about a bad run or an upcoming race. I mean, it started with that, then there was the guilt over even caring that much to begin with, and now all I can think about is the treatment of women and children in Africa and the Middle East, starvation, terminal disease, the Crucifixion, the current state of mental healthcare in the U.S., animal cruelty, and that needlessly mean customer last month who I had to be nice to anyway. For some reason much of this puts the whole running thing back into perspective, but now I'm in a total funk. And I don't know if you've ever tried bawling and running at the same time, but you actually start to asphyxiate a little, I don't suggest it.

Trust me, I know what you're thinking right now: you're thinking, "I thought I was the only one who did this!" Nope, fear not because you're in good company, I'm right there with you! Hopefully I'll have the mental trainwreck debris cleared away in a week. Payne-Train(wreck) OUT.

< Self-portrait.