Thomas Edison once said, "I haven't failed, I've just figured out 10,000 ways that don't work." Surely he must've been a runner.
Back on the bike, up in the air about what's next. The Positive Pollyanna side of me tries to keep things in perspective and see the glass as half-full, because in all actuality, it is half-full. It's not as though your life is really that hard, it's just that you're spoiled. Aren't we all? And the Negative Nancy side of me says, "Screw you, Pollyanna!" And just wants to bang my head against a wall out of bewildered frustration, punch myself in the face as punishment for committing another fatal error, and wonders why on earth I keep coming back to this running thing (sometimes I sort of think of it as my imaginary abusive and manipulative boyfriend...or something...). Oh but wait, that's right....because you don't know who you'd be, what you'd be, or where you'd be without it. Combined with the fact that the peaks make the valleys worth it, and the process is just as worthwhile and enjoyable--often more so--than the result. And because, by God, ONE DAY it's GOING to pay off and I don't care who says it's not! But where have the peaks been lately? Valleys are getting old. Especially when you just nose-dive straight into them. Is it too much to ask for a gradual descent?!
I'm hoping 2011 will be a breakthrough year, and hoping to lay down some long overdue PR's. I think everyone deserves an occasional breakthrough and a few PR's after the effort put into training over weeks, months and years. The fruits of your labor so to speak. Unfortunately getting de-railed and starting over at square one every few months really hinders those efforts. Not to mention shakes the confidence. And let's face it, any runner can attest to the fact that there is no joy in struggling to defend your hard-earned fitness while not being able to train. Whatever happened to the good old days of lots of miles, tons of workouts, and being exhausted and stale long before being hurt?? How was that me?!!? You get better with the passing of time, right?
The whole being self-coached thing has been a good learning experience and definitely forced me to take ownership of my own running--and that means the successes and the screw-ups and everything in between. Maybe I'm blind to some obvious errors; at best I stayed the same, at worst I went backwards. I'm not too proud to say that the writing's on the wall. Somehow things seem to be going in a circle. So maybe it's time for some serious adjustments and some much needed outside perspective. Being successful post-collegiately takes a lot more than just knowing how to push yourself--all you need is a goal and lots of motivation for that. But you have to know how to fine-tune yourself too, and how to really see the big picture rather than just the right-now-this-instant-today. You know, the "microwave" mentality. There really is a lot to know, and evidently I know NOTHING.
So we will see how things go in the coming weeks. Till then, good riddance to 2010 (you won't be missed), this year seemed like one big tease as far as running is concerned. So here's to hoping for some great things in 2011. What is it that they say? Oh yes, plow the fields and pray for rain.