This is what I have been asking myself since last week when Scott asked everyone on the team just that. The funny thing is right now this is such a loaded question. When I got the chance to work with Scott I thought wow this is great nothing but good things could come from this and than I soon realized a lot of things were about to change. So what did running mean to me really? Was it worth all the drama, was it worth having to walk away from things that I love, was it worth losing relationships with people I thought would always be on my side? Than out on my second run today with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat I realized what running means to me...........
To me running is inspiring people to do things they never thought they would or could. Like my best friend who started running just to lose weight who can now run 7-8 miles and no matter how slow she thinks it is she is RUNNING 7-8 miles! Not everyone can say that! Its my long time friend who is going to run his first half marathon in October who asks for advice and I get to see post how he just finished a 5 mile run in heat. There are days I don't want to run in heat and he is out there kicking butt! It's my husband waking up every day at 4 am so he can go run 3 miles (if you knew how much he hates running it's a big deal)and show his kids he can race the Race against Cancer. It's the people I see at track group every Wednesday running their hearts out and giving it their all no matter if they are the fastest on the track or the slowest. It's my kids asking me how my race went and honestly giving me crap when I don't win. It's them knowing how hard I work to be able to toe the line with some of the best. It's my training partners who go out and do workouts And runs they would prefer to not do, but they are always there to help me get through it. Most of all it's all those people telling me how amazing I am to be able to run as fast as I am and still be a mom to two very active boys. Yes I know I am not even close to being the fastest mom i mean look at Kara Goucher, Colleen De Roucke, Magdalena Lewy Boulet (seriously rocking a 5k pr that anyone at any age would take) and Nan Kennard just to name a few could all kick my butt with little to no effort at all. All of these people think I am the one inspiring them when the truth is it's the other way around. I get through the hard workouts that make me want to throw up and quit, through the races that I am getting my butt kicked at, through the victories, the PR's and everything in between because of them! My inspiration is knowing they are rooting for me, knowing they believe in me when I don't even believe in myself.
Yes I have definitely given up a few things lately that I really enjoy and wanted to continue to do, lost some important friendships and have taken a risk that I can not guarantee will pay off. But I have those amazing people behind me, family, friends, Scott taking a chance on a nobody, my amazing teammates who inspire me and give me so much advice and a dream! next week when I toe the line in Edmonton I would love to get the PR I am looking for, I will dig as deep as I can, but if I don't I know it does not define me. My kids, family, friends and faith are what defines me. Running is just an added benefit.
So to the answer the question. What does running mean to me? It means EVERYTHING and NOTHING all at the same time